i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
