i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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