His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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