rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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