Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
