Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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