Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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