we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
