Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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