I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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