9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
