OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
