I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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