so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
