I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
