You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
