I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
