69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
