Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
