I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
