Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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