good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
