This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
