need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
