were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
