im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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