I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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