Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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