my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
BRING THE BAGELS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
