I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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