Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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