Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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