I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there was a trapeze. enough said
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
