I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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