i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
