smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
