I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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