so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
