I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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