I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize