these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
