craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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