It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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