just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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