Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
love makes seman taste better
zippers are such a cool invention
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
