grandma shit on top of the toilet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize