Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
