how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
