i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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