He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
