Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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