k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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