I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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