a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
