she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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