Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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