I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
