Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
