He uses pillows to masturbate.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
