I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
