Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
