Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
