I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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