I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
