Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
