I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found puke in my bra..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
