Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
