My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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