Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
